Legally Blonde

I said I would never go to a trance party. And I did. I said I would never go to a gay pride festival - it was not my thing, but after being coerced into going with my good friend Tatum, I did. This past weekend I made an appearance at the annual Cape Town Pride Festival, for the first time, in Greenpoint. I am glad I forced myself to go, it turned out to be a great new experience. So far my resolution to get out and do things that are out of my comfort zone is going great.

Loads of my friends were there and we had a great time. It was so colourful and vibrant. We managed to see Odidiva, a popular drag artist, perform at the street festival as well as at a really nice cocktail bar called Friendly Society. I must mention that her Amy Winehouse covers were amazing. Tatum and I had an amazing time. It turns out that she is quite the gay icon, which was fun to watch. I may not do it again, but it was definitely worth going.

I am about a month into what I hope is my final year of studying, completing my Honours year in Media Theory and Practice. About a month ago I attended post-graduate orientation at UCT, and the one thing that struck me was something said by a researcher. He spoke about the 'imposter syndrome' that plagues many students, particularly at a post-graduate level. The basic symptoms include extreme self-doubt and feeling like a fraud, in whatever area you are working

I think I am currently experiencing some form of this. Feeling like a lazy bimbo to a large extent. I suppose it comes from feeling as though everyone else in your seminars is so passionate about a subject, to an extent to which you cannot relate - purely because you aren't. You wonder why you were accepted into the particular programme and how you managed to beat people who were possibly more deserving of a place. You think you are way in over your head and need to get realistic about things before you are exposed. I suppose I am going through all these motions. It's a very weird phenomenon. I find that when talking to classmates, many people who excel feel this way. I felt like this a lot during my undergraduate study and did pretty well, so it is rather bizarre to say the least.

I can liken it to Elle Woods from Legally Blonde. Now I know many people shake their heads at this movie in disgust, but in film circles it is actually considered very good in its portrayal of the objectives outlined in the script as well as the message it sends. Every detail is so well thought out and meaningful. What resonates with me is this notion that she doesn't fit at Harvard and doesn't have what it takes to make it, and doesn't make the cut. I suppose the solution is getting the courage to follow Elle's solution as she works that much harder and goes the extra mile, to not only feel better about herself, but also feel worthy of her achievements.

I will let you know how my Elle Woods theory pans out in my own life. I am off to go see La Vie En Rose.